I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize