i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
