Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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