i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
so much tequila, so little girl.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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