ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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