Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
