I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
