if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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