So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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