Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
