who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
