dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
