The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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