we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
