OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
