i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize