wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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