Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
