Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
