I met the friendliest cop last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
