booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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