She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
