How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
