Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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