Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
