I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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