And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize