were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
