Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize