I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
