This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
