big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
