I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
