Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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