wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
