ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
