I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
