3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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