if i can run in heels then i can drive
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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