I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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