My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
