It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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