can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
