she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
