I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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