I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
