i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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