Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
