just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
