I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
