I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
