Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
