i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
