I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
