I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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