my phone needs a breathalizer
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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