Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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