I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize