my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
