1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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