Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
