got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
