i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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