I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So vagazzling was a success
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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