Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
