hell yes lets make some ravioli
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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