I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
