dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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